I recently saw a poster in a sporting goods store of the Three Stooges. Larry, Curly, and Moe, dressed slovenly, were holding their golf clubs and looking comfortably smug in each other’s company. The title of the poster was, “Play Golf with Your Friends.” After a good chuckle, I was reminded of the truth in this statement. We tend to choose our friends and associates because we perceive we share similarities with them.
Successful entrepreneurs understand the longevity of their enterprise depends on the relationships they build with clients, vendors, and prospective customers. How do you make more sales, open more quality alliances, and have better customer relationships in the highly competitive custom building business? Rapport is the key. Here are the five most effective ways to create instant and lasting rapport with anyone you meet.
Express genuine interest in the other person
Ask leading questions to elicit details about his or her family, hobbies, and business. Do this in an effort to find things in common. Use the person’s name often. The sweetest sound to most people is one’s own name. Make mental or written notes of the important events and activities in his life and refer to these as often as possible. It’s amazing how we all like to talk about ourselves. When you have an interest in others, they will open up and tell you what they really want in the business relationship. They will also be more apt to listen to what you want.
Create physical rapport
Since we tend to relate more easily to those who are like us in some way, an important skill is knowing how to establish physical rapport. This is sometimes called matching, mirroring, or parroting. It involves trying to match the body language, vocabulary, and tone of voice of the other person. This allows you to more readily understand and empathize with that person’s position. Though we are all different, we also are similar in many aspects. We tend to have the same body language for similar emotions. If we adjust our body language slightly to match the other person, we begin to find likenesses with that person. This shows respect and adds validity to what the other person is saying while allowing you to experience some of the same reactions.
Be an active listener
The best communicators in the world have the ability to listen at least four times more than they speak. Listening attentively enables you to discern what the real issues are by what is said and, in many cases, by what is not said. Paraphrasing what has been said validates that the other person has been heard and usually leads to more clarity. Active listening helps you discern how the other person processes information. Is she looking for visual aids? Will she learn more if you verbally describe your service or will she be motivated by the sense or feeling of what you have to offer? When you figure out what her processing style is, you can present your case in a way she will most likely appreciate.
Seek agreement
It is easier to move from agreement to agreement than from disagreement to agreement. Search for any way to reach similarities. Use similar jargon. This shouldn’t be too difficult in the construction business. We all use similar phrases and terminology. Look for beliefs or opinions that you share in common. This is different from adopting another person’s beliefs. Rather, acknowledge the fundamental commonalities that may be woven in the other person’s opinion. On rare occasions, the agreement to disagree may build enough respect for opening a relationship. Seeking agreement requires flexibility. It means that you may need to adjust your perception of the situation in order to move to agreement. Agreement of even the minutest details provides a foundation for broader agreement.
Be genuinely friendly
There is absolutely no substitute for being friendly. A smile and a pleasant disposition usually will diffuse any tense situation long before it erupts. When it is real, a friendly demeanor builds long-term trust and credibility. This doesn’t mean you have to be the bubbly cheerleader type. A sincere smile, a warm handshake, and good manners go a long way. Their impact is subtle and often remains long after you leave. Sometimes this is overlooked in the construction industry. Since that is the case, it is even more impressive when it is part of your personal protocol.
In business, these strategies greatly enhance your ability to create strong bonds and relationships. Here is a secret: They are also a fantastic way to build better family and personal relationships. Selling your services today is about opening relationships rather than just closing deals. It is estimated that 80 percent of the time we purchase the products we do based on how we feel about the person selling them to us. In service-related businesses like custom building, the percentage is even higher. In other words, do we like the other person? Is he trustworthy? Do his or her business and personal interests resemble ours? These are questions that most buyers ask themselves at a conscious or subconscious level. Simply stated, we buy much more often from those we like.
Paul Montelongo has been a builder for more than 23 years and is a nationally recognized speaker and consultant to the construction industry. Visit Paul at www.contractorofchoice.com.
