In any face-to-face communication, body language sends a powerful message. Linguists have found that 55 percent of a person’s “message” comes from this source. Another 37 percent comes from tone of voice. That leaves about 7 percent for what the words convey.
We’ve all experienced the results of poor word choice. Imagine the damage that can be done if tone of voice and body language are inappropriate for your communication goals. Understanding the significance of this silent part of communication can help you send the message you intend and better understand the message your companion is sending.
Most of us think of body language as eye contact, smiling, and gesturing. The topic is much more complex and extends to control of time and space as well as personal expressions. From the details that determine the quality of a first impression (made in one-tenth of a second to four minutes, depending on the context) to those that help settle disputes, body language is a fascinating and worthwhile subject to study. Begin by paying attention to your own habits.
Notice how you move, sit, and stand when talking to others—and how those habits vary depending on who is in your audience. Next, watch others closely to decipher their attitude, mood, and in some cases, hidden meanings. Only one in 100 adults is proficient in using and “reading” body language. Research has shown repeatedly that women have an edge in this area. Experts theorize that this skill has evolved more in women as a survival mechanism.
Regardless of gender, developing skills in this area can put you at a significant advantage in getting along with others. From making a professional impression to success in negotiations, body language can be an ally. Here is how to put your best foot forward:
Attitude. In any encounter you have a choice of three basic attitudes: dominant, co-operative, and submissive. Your first decision is from among these three; in some cases, you may intentionally shift among them. Giving in on a small item (agreeing to a change order) is often a good strategy for achieving a more important goal (selling a home). Be sensitive as well to the tone of your voice, including volume and pace of your speech. A sarcastic tone can damage an otherwise healthy relationship or sidetrack a productive meeting. Whining is ineffective complaining and puts others off as well—avoid it. Let your tone be one of caring interest, attentive and responsive.
Handshake. Even your handshake reveals something about your approach. Shaking hands with your palm facing downward is a sign of dominance. With hands engaged perpendicular to the floor, the message is a cooperative one. And if you shake hands with your palm up, you are opening the meeting in a submissive mode. What message do you want to send the first time you meet a potential buyer, trade contractor, or candidate for hiring?
Tension. Beware of the influence of the “fight or flight” syndrome on your body language. Strong emotions, whether of anger, worry, or ordinary fear can cause you to loose sight of the silent messages your body language sends. As a result you may reveal feelings or opinions better left out of the communication.
If you are meeting, for example, with a customer who is known to be extremely difficult, showing your rage with a tense facial expression or abrupt gestures will fail to improve the relationship. Meeting with a lender to establish construction funding? Need to ask a trade to accelerate the schedule or do re-work to implement a change order?
In all of these cases, calm confidence and a cooperative attitude would serve you better.
