Space. To take control of a situation, make an effort to control space as well as your own emotions. Sitting behind your desk establishes more authority than sitting side by side in armchairs. A classic technique is to have your chair be slightly higher than that of your visitor’s. On the other hand, to set a tone of cooperation, get everyone seated at a round table with chairs of equal height.
Time. Controlling time is another aspect of silent messages. Being readily available at the appointed time is cooperative. Making someone wait–especially over 15 minutes–sends an “I’m in charge” message. When the meeting is at someone else’s office, if you are kept waiting without a good explanation be aware of this as a technique to control you. Counter this tactic by always having something to work on so it appears you are making good use of your time and are not at all bothered. In fact, when the person you are waiting to see is finally ready a “Be right with you; I just need to wrap up this last sentence or make one more quick call” undoes the effect.
Culture. With more and more customers, trade contractors, and perhaps even employees coming from diverse cultural backgrounds, it pays to be aware of the variation in meaning of common American gestures, called “emblems” in the study of body language. Circling your index finger beside your temple shows you think someone or an idea is crazy in the states, but in Germany this can get you arrested for disrupting the peace. Middle Easterners interpret shaking your head from side to side to mean “yes” rather than the “no” you intend. Unless you are well-versed in the potential alternative meanings of such common gestures, they are best left out of the conversation when you are talking with someone from another background—especially if the individual has been in the U.S. for just a short time.
The depth and complexity of silent interaction demands close study and attention. The value of knowing how to reinforce spoken messages with other communication techniques makes the effort worthwhile. Like any art form, it requires regular practice. With skills in this area, you will find face-to-face communication more likely to have the outcome you desire.
Carol Smith offers customer service assessment, consulting, and training programs for home builders. She can be reached at csmithhomeaddress@att.net.
